Kittens, Italian Hoagies, and Late Nights
by CarsCars2Fanatic
Summary: This is my new story, imagine it after Cars 2. It's supposed to be a one shot, but it's a long one-shot. XD It's funny, and it has so many twists to it. You wouldn't believe how many old mysteries I needed to listen to/watch before I could get it just right. I don't own anyone you recognize from the movies! :) M rating for suggested themes! XD
1. Chapter 1

It was a warm, calm night. The kind that makes even the most wide-awake cars drowsy. Or in my case, humans. You see, I'm not from this universe. I'm from a completely different one… and we're getting off track.

Let's just focus on that night. It was really warm, which was surprising. Usually, the nights in Radiator Springs, Arizona are enough to make me shiver and huddle closer to Fillmore. Why this one was so warm struck me as odd. Granted, it was summertime, and the day had been warm, but still.

I looked across the table to find Sheriff, the Mercury police cruiser, nodding off, his cup of joe nearly empty, mine likewise.

"Hey, Sheriff."

No reply.

"Sheriff, they've got doughnuts for free." I whispered. He started awake, and I smiled.

"What is it, Foxy? I was nearly asleep."

"Yeah, I know. That's the problem. Anyone could drive in here at any time, and what good would it be to have you fast asleep in front of a potential client?"

Sheriff sighed, gave me a look, then went back to fiddling with his CB radio. He had picked it up from Mater, but couldn't get the thing working.

I rolled my eyes towards the ceiling, then continued to look through that day's paper. In case you're wondering, we're private investigators. And as you've discovered, Foxy's the name. Just Foxy.

Y'see, lots of strange things have been happening out here, and Sheriff hadn't been able to handle the swamp of calls coming in, so he had hired me. I'm beginning to think it was only to keep him awake. All I did was read the paper, and fetch the two of us coffee, and keep him awake. He always grumbled that I was the cause of his grumpiness, but I knew that he was still glad for the company.

He had just gotten a blast of static and garbled sounds out of the radio when she rolled in, as quiet as a whisper.

Her iridescent green paint seemed to shimmer in the dull light in our office, almost like a lizard's scales. "Are you two private investigators?" She asked, her melted-chocolate brown eyes pleading and worried.

"Sure are. How can we help ya?" Sheriff asked, turning to face her.

The woman's eyes widened with a gasp. "John?"

"Mary?" Sheriff's eyes grew as wide as the woman's.

I sat in the wooden rolling chair behind the desk, thoroughly confused.

"Oh, John, it is you! How have you been?"

To my surprise, Sheriff chuckled and gave her a grin. "Pretty good, yourself? I see ya got that paintjob ya wanted."

The Chevy Bel Air smiled, a light blush creeping over her hood. Sheriff chuckled, his gentle gaze resting on the car's own eyes. I cleared my throat, making both of them look over in my direction.

"Got a case of missing identity, theft, or carnapping? No case is too big or too small for Sheriff and Foxy's Private Eye services!" I gave her a grin, and she laughed quietly at the cheeky introduction I had come up with when I had first started.

"Actually, yes. I came to you two tonight because my beloved kitten went missing this morning."

"Photographs of said kitten?"

"Yes, here they are." The Chevy placed several photos on the desk, and I pulled them closer, looking them over carefully.

"Name and nicknames of this Calico please?"

"Goodness, you don't waste any time. Penny."

"Sheriff?" I tried to get his attention, then showed him the pictures.

"Cat like that shouldn't be too hard to find. What with her folded ears and unusual colored coat. We'll be sure to find Penny, Mary. Don't ya worry your head gasket over it." Sheriff gave her a smile, and she returned it.

"Thank you so much, John. I knew I could count on you two the minute I rolled in here!"

"Not a problem, Mary. Ya stayin' someplace? I could escort ya over to Sally's motel for the night."

"No, I'm not, and thank you John."

The two drove out of the office, and I watched them go, my elbow on the desk as I set my chin in my hand, and eyebrow arched. Didn't Sheriff know that we had a case to work on, and that he couldn't just go chasing after chrome-edged fins? I sighed with irritation, shook my head, then got back to looking over the pictures of Penny. She was a pretty cute cat, one that looked extremely curious. I couldn't help but smile at her one green eye and her one blue eye. The two colors were as opposite as Sheriff and I. The facts on this case were slim, but we had to be able to work with what we could.

**BWAHAHAHAHA! Sorry, I just had to upload this. It's supposed to be like one of those old black-and-white mystery things, only funnier. And I decided that Sheriff's first name is John after John Wane. XD And This has got to be my favorite story that I've written, so check it out! I don't own any of the characters except Penny, Foxy, Mary, and the mentioned Thunder that comes later on in the story. Don't steal, review, and read? Thanks, Liz! :D**


	2. Chapter 2

I jumped in alarm as the door banged open, the glass in it advertising our business rattling slightly.

"Someone stole my Italian hoagie!"

I recognized the voice instantly, and sighed. "Sir, there's no need to shout. I'm right here."

"What else am I supposed to do? Act like that Dodge-forsaken hippie you hang out with?"

"I don't mix business and personal, sir. Now, you said that your sandwich was stolen. Would you like to file a missing vehicles report?"

"Very funny, Foxy. I'm serious. I left it sitting on my counter, and it's gone. I've searched everywhere, and it's gone."

"What was it made of?"

"My usual. Lettuce, peppers, spices, turkey, ham, and Swiss on a white roll."

As I finished writing it down, I nodded. This was his usual. "All right, and what would you like me to do?"

"Wha-Find it, of course!"

"I'll do my best, sir."

"What's the charge?"

"No charge for a car who served." I replied, and he dipped his hood in a nod.

"Wish you'd say the same when you decide to taunt me." He muttered, and I looked up from the paperwork on his hoagie.

"Can I help you with anything else, Sarge?"

He snorted, rolled his eyes, then gave me a glare. "Just don't quit your day job."

"Noted." I replied, not even looking up as he left. I was used to that sort of thing.

About three hours later, I looked up as Sheriff opened the door, looking too happy to be his normal self. "I didn't think it took that long to get settled into a Cone."

"There was some trouble with the paperwork." He replied, trying to hide his elation.

"Uh-huh. Paperwork." I raised an eyebrow in his direction, and he gave me a look, warning me to be quiet. I ignored it. "So, what was the problem with the paperwork? Did she have trouble reading the fine print?" I gave him a taunting grin, and in return got another venomous look sent my way. "Come on, Sheriff; don't try to screw me over." He stiffened visibly, and I felt a sly grin creep across my features. Bingo. "To be honest, I didn't think you had any interest in women. Every female car that comes through just receives a 'Hello, I'm the town Sheriff, nice to meet you' or some variation. With that said, what makes this one different?" I asked, leaning back in the chair and interlacing my fingers, giving him a slightly wry smile, eyebrow arched.

"You're bold, kid." He shot my way after a long silence. Oh, I was bold all right. "I knew her back in high school."

"Ohh, did you now?" _Now_ it was getting interesting. "So, is she still the same, better, worse, or what?" I asked lightly, and almost laughed as he jumped in shock.

"What?!"

"You heard me." I shot back, unable to keep from grinning.

"This ain't the time to talk about this. Did anythin' new come in while I was visiting an old friend?"

"I get the feeling you two were more than just friends." Oh, I just couldn't let him push it away that easy.

"If we were, it was a long time ago."

"Uh-huh. Three hours ago is a pretty long time."

"Foxy, would ya stop ignorin' my question!"

"Sure. Sarge came in wanting to know who stole his Italian hoagie. Now, tell me more about… _Mary_, won't you _John_?" I gave him a wicked grin. I knew I was just waiting to get butchered, but I didn't care. I wanted him to fess up.

"It's Sheriff to you, and what if we were doing _that_? What're you gonna do, arrest me for skippin' out on my job?" He laughed once, a short sharp laugh, then gave me a glare, as though daring me to try it.

"No, just… curious." I replied, sending a wry grin his way.

"Ya can go be 'curious' while ya find that hoagie. I'll take the case of the missin' kitten."

"Why was I so sure you were going to split it up like that?" I asked, and rolled backwards in the chair with a small laugh as he went to swat at me with a tire.

"Foxy, enough! Now get goin'!"

"Come on, Sheriff, you know I'm just screwing around, right?"

"Yeah, well do less of that and more solvin' the case. Right now, ya ain't provin' to be a very good detective."

"All right, all right, I'm going." I got up and walked out of the room, taking my brown-with-black-band fedora with me. It was my detective hat, and I wore it whenever I was out on a case. I arrived at my client's door, and knocked. The metal rang every time I did so. The door rolled up, and the Jeep was parked over by the switch. "May I come in? I'm here to look for clues leading to the disappearance of your hoagie." I explained, and he nodded. I stepped inside, and the door rolled down again. I could tell that this was going to be a long night. I had Sarge lead me to the scene of the crime, his living area.

Once we were inside, I swept the room, looking for anything suspicious. I took notice of a trail of crumbs leading off the counter, onto the floor, then towards a window, which was left open. I looked out the window, and spotted Doc's garage and the desert. Whoever had stolen his hoagie must have run into the desert. I went back and explained what I had found.

"So they're in the desert?"

"I'm afraid so. They wouldn't have gone into Doc's garage to hide, since he's back there every night. They also wouldn't go to main street because there would be too many witnesses. The only other option would be for them to head into the desert."

Sarge nodded, and I sighed. "I'm going to go back and confer with my partner on this. This is a thief who obviously knows the habits of the town, which means that he's been here long enough to know names, and could be dangerous."

Sarge agreed, and I continued. "Continue to go about your business, don't let on that anything is wrong. However, if you see anyone sneaking out of your home, do not give chase. Attempt to get a good view of their facial features, brand, model, and approximate year. Then, come to me at the detective agency." He nodded once more, and I walked towards the door. "I'll show myself out." I called, and heard a grumble in return. He obviously wasn't warming up to me as a detective.

I shrugged, flipped the switch for the door with my foot, then flipped it again when I was outside, reaching in with a hand. I withdrew it like I had been shocked, not wanting to lose it, then continued on my way to our office. I strolled inside, hung my hat up on the coat rack, sat down in the chair, and began to think.

This case was confusing. Why would anyone want to steal food? After all, the majority of the townsfolk here just drank oil. Sarge, however, had developed a taste for something more real. I guessed that came from serving in the army, having to make do with what he had, blah blah, blah. I sighed, and continued to think over the case, and what I had gathered.

**I finally got around to uploading the next part of this! XD Yay! Hope you guys like it, and I don't own Sheriff or Sarge. XD**


	3. Chapter 3

Before long, I felt myself nodding off.

I awoke with a start, looking around frantically. What time was it? I glanced up at the clock and saw that it was nearly five in the morning. Had I really been asleep for five hours? Looking around, I figured that Sheriff was already at Flo's, not seeing him in the room. I got up from the chair and stretched, listening to my back pop. I grinned, knowing that if Sheriff were here he would've been cringing. He always hated the sound of any of my joints popping, and I always made sure to crack my knuckles around him.

Once I had finished stretching, I departed the room, closing the door behind me. I strolled over to the café, greeting the townsfolk.

"How's the detective job coming along?" Lightning teased, and I gave him a smile.

"Better than you'd imagine." I sat down on the ground next to Fillmore, who ruffled my hair, his usual morning greeting. "Hi, Fillmore." I sighed, and he chuckled.

"You look tired. Up late again?"

I nodded, then replied, "I think I nodded off at twelve."

Flo dropped off my morning coffee, same as always, and I gave her a smile, which was returned.

"Can't hang around for too much longer, I've got to get to work on this case, and it'll probably take me all day."

Doc chuckled and shook his hood. "You're married to that job."

"Nah. I'm married to the town. I'm just seeing the Private Eye business off to the side."

This was my standard witticism, and the others chuckled, as always. I got up, stretched, then carried my coffee back towards the office. As soon as I got into the room, a thought struck me. Sheriff hadn't been at Flo's. If Sheriff wasn't at Flo's, then where was he? As soon as the thought had registered, I grinned wickedly. I knew where he was. I figured that I'd leave him to his personal affairs, and instead got to working on Sarge's case again. I gathered up the things I thought I'd need, then I set out. I'd have a lot of terrain to cover, and I knew that it would take up a lot of my time.

Once I was packed and ready, I set out along the back of the buildings, looking for any tire treads. What I found were tiny paw prints. Being the animal lover I am, I decided to follow the prints, and couldn't believe my eyes. There, huddled under a bush, was Mary's missing kitten! I coaxed the little thing over to me and I picked her up. She nestled in my arms, purring quietly. I looked her over, and decided that she was a little dehydrated, but otherwise all right.

"Come on, sweetie; let's go see your mommy."

Penny mewed quietly, and I grinned. I took her back to our office, and called Sally.

"Hey, could you get Mary, the '57 Chevy Bel Air for me? And tell her to bring Sheriff."

"Sure, Foxy. But how'd you know she was with Sheriff?"

"Simple. He's been with her before, and he wasn't at Flo's, or here."

"All right, where are they meeting you? The office?"

"Nope. Doc's."

"Why?"

"Tell them that I found something that is of interest to them."

"Can do. Bye, Foxy."

"Bye, Sally."

We hung up, and I looked over at the kitten, nestled safely in my hat for the time being. I had a hunch that I could solve both mysteries with one clue while I was on the phone, but the only way to see if my hunch was right was to get tests done on the kitten.

I picked her up, saying, "I'm sorry, Miss Penny, but I need that hat now."

Penny just purred and snuggled down deeper into my arms. I carried her over to Doc's clinic, and entered. Doc rolled in a few minutes later, giving me a look.

"Foxy, we've talked about this already. No more pets. You've already had how many frogs, that snapping turtle that nearly took off Luigi's tire, the rabbit you caught, Thund-"

"No, she isn't mine. Her owner came into the office and said that her kitten was lost. Sarge came in about three hours later saying that his hoagie was missing. I'm gonna take an out-of-the-ballpark guess and say that the kitten ate it." I explained, and Doc chuckled.

"We'll find out then, won't we?" He took the kitten and set her gingerly on his hood, then rolled into the back room. He returned a few minutes later, Penny's tail swishing lazily. "I don't know how you do it, Foxy. She must've crept in when Sarge was in his shop, then gotten out when he came back in."

I turned as the doors opened, revealing Sheriff and Mary, and held out Penny. "I think this loveable little furball is yours." I said with a grin.

"Penny! Oh, you found her! Thank you so much! Penny, are you all right, I was so worried about you!"

"She should be fine in a few days. Just give her plenty of water. And Sheriff, you'll be happy to know that I've also solved Sarge's sandwich stumper. Little Penny here ate it!" I laughed quietly, then scratched behind Penny's ear. She purred, and Mary smiled.

"You two certainly are the best of the West. And John, thank you for helping me organize a reunion for our senior class. To think, this town would turn out to be the perfect place for it!"

"John?"

"That's what you two were doing?" I gave Sheriff a stern look as he started laughing. "You led me on, you jerk!"

"Ya like yer jokes, I like mine." He shot back with a grin, and then nodded. "John's my real name. I didn't want word to get out that the all-fearsome Sheriff's real name was John."

Doc chuckled, and looked over at me. "Well Foxy, is the case wrapped up?"

"Like a kitten in a ball of yarn." I replied with a grin, making the group laugh.

**Finally finished the story! :D And I'm sorry for not updating this week, I've had a lot of stuff going on lately. I'll be updating next week though, don't worry! :) ~Liz**


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